Sunburn

You're as sweet as nutty sans rival;
relaxing like a Thai massage.

You're funnier than Rakugo;
more sinful than Balamban liempo.

You're my supreme escape;
my favorite mistake.

You're my greatest release,
always, a bliss.

You're my bane
and my sweetest pain.

Image courtesy of Google images.

Let me let go

Gloomy, cold day,

like it knows what's to happen.

Enough. Let go.

Never again,

no more you.

Image from Google Images.

Toilet

I thought I was a fool for no one
But oh, baby, I'm a fool for you

Muse, "Supermassive Black Hole"


This is a formal admission. I am a Twilight-er.

I go against the flow most of the time. I lose interest on something that's liked by the major population. Considering the hype surrounding Stephenie Meyer's books and the Twilight movie, my normal reaction was to be uninterested. I refused to read the books even though my sister's been bugging me to death into doing so. I did not have plans of watching the movie in the big screen either, despite my officemates' persistent invitations.

But fate has it's ways. My landlady, who's in her early sixties, has one of those 36-in-1 movie collection, which was, of course, pirated. One Sunday last December, she knocked on my door and said "Jo, kabalo ka mu-operate aning DVD player? Gusto mi mutan-aw ni tatay nimo ug Twilight unya lahi man ang mu-salida." Oh, ok. So even THEY know Twilight. I assisted them and with time to kill, I decided to watch the movie along with them just to see what the fuss is all about. The copy was bad, the color was awful, and I sometimes couldn't understand what the characters were saying because my landlady would, every now and then, give a recap of the previous scene. With that being said, I don't know why I stayed until it was time for me to start preparing fpr work. It's maybe because I was busy deciding whether Rob Pattinson was good looking or not, or, it could be because I was finding it hard to understand why Kirsten Stewart got picked for the role and so I got occupied with convincing myself that surely, there must be something to her. Nevertheless, I found myself enjoying the movie and getting "kilig". Rob looked more handsome by the minute and I decided that, yes, Kirsten was fit for the role. By the time I heard Supermassive Black Hole during the scene where the vampires played baseball, I was already a dead fish.

So here I am, done reading all five e-books (including Midnight Sun--thank goodness for e-books!) and not getting enough of the soundtrack. My favorites are Collective Soul's Tremble for my Beloved and Blue Foundation's Eyes on Fire, aside from Muse's SBH. I've seen the movie quite a few times already (not once in the big screen, hehe) and I'm a sucker for anything Twilight. I am swimming with the current this time but, hey, what can I say? I'm just a girl and that's about everything you're gonna get.

***Toilet is how we refer to Twilight at the office. By the way, my landlady was sleepy halfway through the movie. Before she entered her room, she said "Boring man na uy. Wala may action!" I wondered what "action" she wanted to see.

The Hand That Holds No More

This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know

Last Goodbye, Jeff Buckley


November 27, 2008. With the aid of Vodka Ice and SanMig Light, I finally had the courage to tell The Tamblot that I want to discontinue whatever it is that we have. These were the words I said: This will be the last time that we'll be together. Please don't contact me again. I want to move on and I can't do that if we keep on seeing each other.

I was holding his face and I was looking into his eyes while saying these. It took so much effort to control my voice so the raging emotions inside wouldn't show. I kissed him, then I closed my eyes and basked in the scent that I've come to love these past three years. When he hugged me, I took to memory even the littlest details of how it felt like having him so close. I didn't look back as I left. How could I? I was desperately fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. I didn't want him to see me crying lest he see just how affected I was.

Darn. I hate goodbyes.

I'll miss The Tamblot, that's for sure. I'll miss his hugs, his kisses, his corny jokes, his laughter, and the scent that's uniquely his. I'll miss touching his oily face and his equally oily hair. I'll miss talking to him and I'll miss the feel of his hand holding mine.

Nonetheless, I will stand by my decision. I love him but it's high time I love myself more.

Alice in Wonderland

This is not a review. In fact, this is in no way connected to the story. Alice in Wonderland was where we stayed in Boracay.

Overall, I had a great time. I loved the road trips. We passed by places named Pototan (Middle Earth's Shire) and Balete (can't recall seeing a Balete tree) while listening to Rihanna's Disturbia. Ha! Thank goodness I brought my own cds. I had with me Jack Johnson, Smooth Friction, and Radiohead which made traveling to and from Caticlan way cooler. The beach was fantastic! No creepy seaweeds, much to my satisfaction. Boracay surely lived up to its reputation. The Tamblot and I walked almost the entire shoreline and took lots of pictures. We swam to our hearts' content, we roamed, we ate Cyndi Lauper the Crepe, we drank Sex on the Beach, and there was a time we spoke in English so people would think he was Korean. I find doing the last one really amusing.

Despite all these, there were things I planned on doing but I wasn't able to. For one, I didn't have a picture of me caught jumping in midair. I realized this on the trip back to Iloilo and it depressed me for a while. "Jump shots" from previous trips were unsuccessful because point-and-shoot cameras weren't fast enough. The Tamblot's SLR would've eliminated that difficulty and I already imagined what my poses would be to avoid looking funny and awkward.

So much for planning...

Another thing I failed to do was discuss with The Tamblot what the real score is between us. I wasn't going to settle for a commitment-free relationship anymore. There were many chances to do so. Why didn't I? I chickened out, I guess. I was afraid that if I discuss things with him, it'll be the end of it all. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I've read that repeated experiences teach us what we refuse to learn. Do I like the pain? I don't. I detest the cycle. Why then do I keep on coming back? Why can't I simply end things and be done with this phase? I have the power to better my situation. When will I have the courage to move on?

Yes, yaya. I am such a loser.


To Sher Butter, Jabbered Onion, Baller Coyote, Dhon, Big J, and BFF Lapad:

This is a confession. I'm sorry I lied. Please don't give up on me. Don't think that your advices have fallen on deaf ears. They haven't. It may not seem like it but I really am trying. Thank you for your concern.

Orange Crush

I went to great lengths to have this picture taken. It was his last day at work and I couldn't just let him go without a souvenir.

A silly smile was plastered on my face for the rest of the day.

Bewitched

I thought I was OK
That I had my feelings in control
Then I saw you again
And I knew that I was wrong
Because the cycle begins

Image from Google Images.